


Changing Light

by 91daesmods, tixing



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fem!lay, Fingering, Ice Play, Interspecies Sex, Other, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 13:22:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6521512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/91daesmods/pseuds/91daesmods, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tixing/pseuds/tixing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All stars burn out eventually.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Changing Light

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flopyxing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flopyxing/gifts).



> Red, I absolutely adored your original au and I wanted so badly to remix it in Round 2, but I had no idea of where else I could take it, it was that perfect! And yet here I am, with a Black Day remix of your beautiful fic (๑◕︵◕๑)
> 
> It’s absolutely nothing compared to the perfection of your original work, but I hope it’s still somewhat enjoyable? I’ll admit, I was tempted to ditch it more than once because I was so scared I might fuck it up. Maybe I just wanted an excuse to write about the stars. Maybe I also wanted an excuse to include the selected poem in the intro because it’s always tasted so pretty and light. Title taken from the poem ‘[Fall](https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/fall)’ by Edward Hirsch.
> 
> Edit: this revamp was coming for a while, because I wasn't 100% happy with the original. I just added a few tweaks, so nothing major to worry about
> 
> ♡

 

 

 

 

> Things to say when in love

>  
> 
> i.  I want to make you a planet.
> 
> ii. I will put the galaxy in your hair. iii. Your kisses are a mouthful of firewater.
> 
> iv. I have never seen a more beautiful horizon than when you close your eyes. and
> 
> v. I have never seen a more beautiful dawn than when you open your eyes.
> 
>   
>  —Tapiwa Mugabe, _Zimbabwe_

 

All stars burn out eventually.

Yixing watches her oldest sister die up in the heavens, watches the sky burn with a million colours as her sister takes a final, shuddering breath and explodes in a supernova. Jongdae holds Yixing and brushes her tears away, presses sweet, sweet kisses to her damp cheeks and gently squeezes her soft hands in apology.

“I should be with her,” Yixing hiccups, helpless, eyes still fixed on the outspread remnants of her sister.

“I’m sorry,” Jongdae apologises futilely, hands wet from trying to catch Yixing’s sobs. “I’m so sorry, my love.”

 

✧ . ˚ . * ✹ . ⊹ . ✺ . ✷ * · . * ·

 

 

Yixing watches yet another meteor shower wrapped up in Jongdae’s arms. It’s always like this, both of them bundled up on the lawn watching the comets sprinting through the sky. Yixing tells him about her cousins, floating far away from her in other galaxies. She tells him about her closest friend, Junmyeon, the morning star, who plants seeds of summer in the sky and makes the other stars blush with his gentle smile. Yixing shows Jongdae her younger sisters chasing each other, and tells him about how her mother is the brightest moon she’s ever seen.

She cups his face in both hands and encourages him to be patient, to listen to the laughter of the stars hurtling through space. He tries to hear them, tries to hear the delighted words of Yixing’s sisters calling out to each other as they run across the sky, but he can’t. Yixing smiles in understanding, ears and eyes receiving the songs of so many bodies suspended in space, trilling to each other in a language Jongdae can’t speak.

He’s a fully-fledged astronomer now, yet the secrets of the stars always evade him, shared to him only through Yixing’s sweet words. Jongdae studies Yixing reverently, gazes at the star curled up in his arms, and wonders how—out of all the places she could have fallen—it was his arms she tumbled into. Jongdae presses endearments into Yixing’s midnight hair, worships her moonlit skin with gentle hands. Yixing soaks up his attention, always so eager for it, always so accepting, and it makes him love her even more.

Suddenly, Yixing stiffens in his hold, blinks on a sharp inhale, lowers her eyes to the ground.

“Love?” Jongdae says, crooking a finger under her chin gently.

“They want me…" Yixing starts, and Jongdae's chest constricts. _They, they, they_...it's the story of Jongdae and Yixing, and the family she left behind. Jongdae has been blessed with a lifetime of joy with Yixing by his side, countless years of stargazing together, but this is the first time the stars have spoken to Yixing directly.

"They want me to come home," Yixing whispers.

“…You can’t go back,” Jongdae says quietly, even though they already know it’s impossible. Jongdae still feels his heart hurt when Yixing’s face falls, still wishes she could return to her family, even as he selfishly thanks every divine being for bringing her into his life.

“I know,” she says softly, resigned, folding herself further into Jongdae. “ _I know_.”

 

✧ . ˚ . * ✹ . ⊹ . ✺ . ✷ * · . * ·

 

 

“You’re my home now,” is what Yixing whispers into the breaths huffed between parted lips, and Jongdae kisses her harder, wishes it were true.

Because he’s seen the way she still stops in her tracks to stare up at the sky, eyes searching forlornly into the blackness of the night. Jongdae tries to fathom her situation, akin to a downed bird, wishing to be up in the air, but Yixing’s predicament is so much more than a that of a flightless creature of the earth. He’s thankful for all the time he’s had with her so far, thanks every lucky star of his that she’s in his life, and still feels guilty that he doesn’t want her to leave him.

So Jongdae tries to be a sufficient substitute for Yixing’s loss, tries to love her twice as much, tries to be enough for the family she left behind. He maps the constellations hidden in her skin with the utmost care, makes her rumble with the echoes of a thousand distant stars under his touch.

He kisses new worlds into her mouth, gazes at the expanse of skin she spreads out before him, the most bewitching galaxy he has ever set his eyes upon. Yixing pulls him to her, radiant and beautiful, and Jongdae falls, and falls, and falls.

 

✧ . ˚ . * ✹ . ⊹ . ✺ . ✷ * · . * ·

 

 

At first, Jongdae thinks it’s just a fever. She’s burning up, her pale skin almost glowing in its pallidness, and Jongdae worries for her. As time progresses, however, and the medicine and water he feeds her prove unsuccessful, he begins to wonder if it’s something else. He can’t lower her temperature, no matter what he tries. Her body warms the cold baths he draws for her, and the cold packs he tucks around her are ineffective. The doctors and specialists he takes her to tell him it’s just a fever, that she’ll break it soon given enough rest and fluids.

The fever—whatever it is—doesn’t leave, it only grows stronger in the weeks that follow. Yixing doesn’t act like she’s sick at all, eyes shining and smile warm, movements full of life, even as the heat simmers inside her. Her pale skin is brightened even more by the white light glowing from her pores, and Jongdae’s hands skim over her body in awe. Jongdae presses cold lips to her body and tries to bring her temperature back down. The ice he drags over her skin melts on his tongue too fast to be of any use, and the torridness of her body doesn’t abate, despite the tremendous waves of heat he draws from her.

“What’s happening to you, love?” Jongdae asks, mesmerised. His lips are puffy, chilled from the ice, and the tracks he's made glitters on her skin. His breath hitches at the sight of her, always so soft and pretty.

“I don’t know,” Yixing admits, moans as Jongdae pulls his hand from her and sucks her light off his fingers. She's hot on his tongue, liquid fire that tastes like ozone.

Yixing draws him into her with her legs curled behind Jongdae’s back, and folds her hot, hot hands over his skin. Jongdae lets her guide him, gets lost in her tender eyes and the warm hug of her flesh surrounding him.

“Yixing. My love,” Jongdae murmurs to her, trembling, raises a hand to stroke her plush lips. “Yixing, tell me how to help.”

“I don’t know how,” she says, voice engulfed in the fluid movement of Jongdae’s hips, gentle, slow, rolling like the shifting tides.

Jongdae mouths at Yixing’s collarbones, drowns in her light. She tastes like firewater, and it sets him ablaze.

 

✧ . ˚ . * ✹ . ⊹ . ✺ . ✷ * · . * ·

 

 

Yixing’s condition eventually worsens, just when Jongdae comes to the assumption that the only problem is her abnormal body heat.

She rapidly becomes weak, her delicate body becoming frail and her time spent either fast asleep or lethargically awake. Her rattled breathing fills up the spaces between Jongdae’s worried thoughts, late nights spent watching over her and pressing wet cloths to her forehead to try and cool her down.

“My star,” Jongdae tells her, strokes a cold hand over her burning cheek in concern. “What do I do?”

She utters something unintelligible, and Jongdae has to strain his ears to hear her. _Hold me_.

“You’re too hot,” Jongdae frets. “It will be too hot.”

Yixing pleads with her eyes, and Jongdae caves. He holds her in his arms, her body so dry and hot, and kisses her with wet lips. Yixing sighs and presses forward into his coolth, lets him soak up her heat.

She falls asleep in his embrace, breathing tripping over itself like a song played wrong. Jongdae closes his eyes to quell the impending tears, because he’s so helpless, so frustrated that he cannot seem to alleviate the pain from the one he cherishes most.

“What is happening to you,” Jongdae muses aloud, not for the first time, and certainly not for the last.

 

✧ . ˚ . * ✹ . ⊹ . ✺ . ✷ * · . * ·

 

 

Jongdae watches the stars.

He’s always watching the stars; even before Yixing fell, he loved them, and now he has a star of his own, one to hold and protect and care for. It’s been years since he stumbled out of his house, half-asleep, to catch his falling star, and yet it still feels surreal.

Jongdae feels like he knows what’s happening to Yixing. He has no idea how old she is, but neither does Yixing. Time doesn’t exist in space, and so she could have been burning for eons before he met her.

Time, however, seems to be knocking on Yixing’s heart and asking to be let in. He doesn’t want to admit it aloud, but he’s studied the universe long enough to know that Yixing’s life is gradually leaking out of her. He sees it in her lethargic movements, the way she moves her arms slowly, so slowly, like a reluctant sunset.

Jongdae sighs, tries to quell his crying, and stares into the midnight sky. Yixing lies next to him, having fallen asleep to the lullaby he crooned to her earlier. Her pale form lights up in the darkness, the bed cast in the weak light that streams from her body and melts into the sheets. Jongdae watches her, thankful that she is not in any pain.

“Hey,” Jongdae says softly, eyes searching the heavens bleakly. “I don’t know if you can hear me, but Yixing. She’s—“ _dying_ , his mind says, even as his throat swells around the word and refuses to voice it. Jongdae takes a moment to gather his thoughts, watching Yixing’s peaceful form as she sleeps. “She doesn’t…she doesn’t belong down here,” he manages to get out. “She belongs up in the sky. And I—I don’t know how to get her there. But she came down in the first place. She fell down to me. So there must be a way back up. There has to be one.”

The night sky blinks in reply, but Jongdae doesn’t understand if it’s saying anything, let alone answering his plea.

 

◦  
·  
.  
.  
·  
·  
⁑  
˙  
·  
✹  
✦

 

The answer arrives in the form of a boy, bright as the morning sun. He falls from the sky, much like how Yixing did, though his descent is deliberate, filled with purpose. Jongdae watches the boy slip through the window he left open to allow the cool breeze to enter the room. The boy’s smile is ethereal, light falling off him and dripping onto the floor as he moves, waves of pink, orange, red.

“Junmyeon,” Yixing says when she sees him, voice weak like a dying flame, even as her body glows brightly with recognition. Junmyeon gazes at her, so bright and fair. “Yixing," he says, and Jongdae hears the fond tone in his voice, knows he sounds just the same when he talks to her. "I came to bring you home,” Junmyeon tells her. His voice is rich yet gentle, dark around the edges as it shapes dulcet words.

The breath Yixing chokes on is wet with emotion and disbelief. Jongdae clutches Yixing’s hand tight and presses his tongue to the roof of his mouth to stop the tears from leaking out. Junmyeon soothes a hand over her forehead, their light mixing and merging with one another.

Yixing frowns, and Jongdae’s heart swells despite his inner grief, wanting to kiss her sweet pout away. “But…this is my home now,” she says.

Junmyeon’s gaze turns sympathetic, but he doesn’t answer. “I belong with Jongdae,” Yixing says, determined, even though her voice is soft. “I won’t leave him.”

_You promised_ , Jongdae silently agrees. But he doesn’t say that, doesn’t voice his selfish thoughts. Instead, he pulls her close, whispers words of love into her hair. “You belong up in the sky, my love.”

“You’re my home,” Yixing protests, even as her words are laced with longing for the abyss of the sky, even though Jongdae knows Yixing doesn’t realise it.

“Hey,” Jongdae says softly, smiling even as his eyes blur with tears. “It’s been good. Hm? It’s been a good run.”

Yixing takes a shaky breath, and then she’s crying too. “I said I’d never leave you. I promised, Jongdae. I _promised_.”

Jongdae cards his fingers through her hair, silky as the nighttime, “You won’t be leaving me. I would rather have you up in the sky than bury you in the ground, even further away from your birthplace.”

“I don’t want to go,” Yixing sobs, and Jongdae continues to push her, even as his heart breaks in two. “I don’t want to leave you.”

Jongdae tries a wobbly grin, tries to be strong for both of them, “You’re not leaving me, my love. Never.” He places her hand over his heart, “You’re always in here.”

Yixing cries, pale hands burning in Jongdae’s grasp, hot tears splashing onto the sheets into little puddles of white gold. “I’m sorry,” she says.

The breath that Jongdae summons is trembling with emotion, “Go with Junmyeon, love. Go home.”

Yixing finally acquiesces, nodding brokenly, sitting up to thrust a searing embrace onto Jongdae. The love she pours onto his lips burns with the intensity to rival a thousand suns, and he gasps at the flood of sensations.

“I love you,” he cries, hands wrapping around her lithe form desperately. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

Yixing doesn’t let go of him until she’s wrapped up in Junmyeon’s arms. Their light mixes into a soft peach colour, stealing Jongdae’s breath.

“Thank you, Junmyeon,” Jongdae tells the star, and he smiles.

“Thank _you_ ,” he corrects him, and his voice sounds like a sunrise.

Junmyeon cradles Yixing closer to his chest, encasing the two of them in light. When he takes to the heavens, it’s in a smooth arc, curving from the earth into the night sky, gone in the blink of an eye.

Jongdae watches Junmyeon set Yixing down gently, before floating away, watches Yixing paw at the night and look around blankly. Her eyes settle on Jongdae, so small, so distant, so far away from her. She stretches her arms out, smile serene, body aglow, so much more brilliant now that she’s in the sky, and Jongdae’s heart twists.

Up there in the darkness, Jongdae watches her laugh, unrestrained, her light sprawling across the night sky in chaotic beauty. It’s counter-intuitive, watching her be so blissful even as her life wanes.

Yixing burns even brighter than before, almost blinds Jongdae with her magnificence. She radiates with so much energy, so much untapped power, hot, white light pouring off her, and opens her mouth and sings with untapped joy. And Jongdae, suddenly Jongdae can understand her, can hear the words of love she sends to him on the tides of night: _thank you_ , she says, _my Jongdae, my star_.

Yixing’s death is nothing like her sister’s gorgeously sombre affair. Her last breath is almost musical, drawn from the surrounding traces of galaxies long lost. Yixing erupts in a melodic explosion of light, soft waves of white stardust floating outwards to bathe the cosmos with her sweet song.

Jongdae closes his eyes, smiles as the tears dry on his cheeks, lets her essence wash over him and listens.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos or comments here or on [LJ](http://91daes.livejournal.com/10374.html) to support the author!


End file.
